I'm hilarious!

I've grown a little better than i could have possibly hoped

2007-11-17T20:57:00.001+09:00

Showpony and latent homosexual that i was.

…and they walked off into the sunset confident that evil would be done. Sequels to be made. And I wished I wrote the movie. But I got bored so I just

2006-02-01T13:11:00.000+08:00

wrote the end.

Gareth-You never said thankyou Willis! Not once! I waited through 18 months of combat. I saved your sweet arse man!

Willis- Gareth what in good Betrices name are you talking about?

Gareth- You fucking know…. You, you ungrateful tease!

Willis- I totally thanked you dude. Soon as we got back to the trenches I said “ Thanks for
saving my life” Ease up a little Buuuuudy you know…

Gareth- Oh I love it when you do that

Willis-Wha..Uhhh*clears throat* What?

Gareth- That little Pauly Shore mannerism. Its so adorable. And funny. I mean just funny, not adorable. Nah not fucking adorable at all. Wow look at that hot chick in that fucking sweet car. Makes me wanna shoot some deer. And drink some beer!

Willis- Oh uh ok. Gareth. this is what we talked about that night when you snuck..

Gareth- I want you Willis.

Willis-..into the shower and took those photos.

*blinks*

Willis-What? Now Jesus!Gareth I’m not gay! *turns towards crowd* Laughs at the ridiculousness of it all. I’m not gay! Now go away Gareth! Go away and don’t come back.

Gareth- Remember that night I washed your wounds and cradled you till you slept. I sang to you Willis. I fucking cared for you…I’m not asking for your heart. I’m asking for a chance. I can make you happy.

Audience claps and cheers, ‘That is love’.

Willis-Seriousily Gareth, honestly, what do you think of me? What!

Gareth eyes him up and down.

Willis-Eye candy. See your just looking for a fuck. You sleazy waste of human life!

Gareth- *shocked* You bastard. Take that back you hatefilled homo.

Willis-No! NOW get lost gareth.

Gareth-*in angry tears* I wish I knew how to quit you!!!

Storms off kicking chairs out of his way. Snatches his medal on the way out.

Brokeback mountain number two?? Nah a completely different masterpiece “Shot in the back-assisted recovery”

Self-important self obssessed drivel

2006-01-25T14:29:00.000+08:00

what have i got to do today? ok yeah thats right, clean my room, get my wallet back, write..." COUGH COUGH COUGH cough COUGH COUGH.
"Fuck Fuck FUCK I've got a MOTHERFUCKING chest INFUCKTION!! for fucks sake."
What a way to wake up.
It's the day before Australia day. Fate what are you doing to me.

Slata!

2005-10-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

Right thats it I'm moving to myspace.Its just too hard with blogger. www.myspace.com/kickoutthesex .
"You heard my dad now fuck off."
*edit* I'm back. But i'm keeping the cobwebs for decorative reasons. I want this thing dusty and unimaginative from now on.

The ten commandments of Reverend Red

2005-09-08T16:09:00.000+08:00

From the mouth of the Wranga-

"1.) =Thou shall always be awesome

2.)= Thou shall smoke pot

3.)= Never kill anybody

4.)= Thou shall hump many naked gorgeous women

5.)= Thou shall wake not before noon everyday

6.)= Be cool on to others

7.)= Thou shall be happy

8.)= Thou shall have erections until death

9.)= Don't be fooled by women they are not to be trusted

10.) Thou shall drink with good friends at a Pub at least twice a week.

Wow. Holier words have not been said. Bow down and praise the red lord of cool. Preach to me reverend. Preach!!

THOU SHALT RESPECT REVEREND RED

2005-09-07T23:07:00.000+08:00

Message from Rev.Red at Sep 7, 2005 5:05 AM-
"Make out?-Who ever replies to this I will make out with excluding close friends and dudes. Who wants to go out for pizza and a movie tonight? My treat..."

Message from Rev. Red at Sep 7, 2005 7:35 AM-
"Fuck Buddy-Body: This is the Secret FUCK BUDDY Game. Im pretty sure everyone on here wants to be FUCK BUDDIES with least one person on MySpace. So here is the rules.If you want to be a FUCK BUDDY with me.. reply to this telling me! Only reply if you are serious. But you must repost this if you wanna see who wants to be your FUCK BUDDY. Have fun! The results are gonna suprise you and might get you lucky ;) !"

This is hands down the best male ranga i've encountered since Ross Ives. Look at him. Thats all man. Reverend Red your not a 'a big old smelly pussy' you are what Jesus would look like if he was on fire. You are passion personified. There isn't a sane lady alive that wouldn't want to see your burning bush. No one could resist the treats your snake offered. Hey ladies You can see that fire raging in his heart,no wait...thats just his chest hair.

Coming soon "The ten commandments of Reverend Red". Till then as the Rev. says 'Ladies, there's enough for u all. Be cool'

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=9898171&friendName=Reverend+Red&Mytoken=20050907081451 You really need check this guy out. Its inspiring.

There are just so many poorly chosen words in this sentance

2005-09-06T00:50:00.000+08:00

Michael Bluth: [looking at a gift basket Michael received] Didn't you get one of those, too? You bought Lindsay at the same auction.
Tobias Fünke: Yes, but I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, and now I think I have something of a mess on my hands.

Smurfs revisited

2005-09-01T22:50:00.000+08:00

Sean Smith: Beer and pussy. That's all I need.

Ronald Fisher: We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.

Sean Smith: Smurfette?

Ronald Fisher: Yeah, not some tight-ass Middlesex chick, right? Like this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.

Donnie: Smurfette doesn't fuck.

Ronald Fisher: That's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.

Sean Smith: No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual.

Ronald Fisher: Okay, then, you know what? She fucks them and Vanity watches. Okay?

Sean Smith: What about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get in on all the action.

Ronald Fisher: Yeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang, and he beats off to the tape.

Donnie: Ok First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, well, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those tiny, white pants. It's just so illogical, about being a Smurf, you know? I mean, what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?
Directly taken from Donnie Darko the best movie featuring a giant scary bunny. Ever.

Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?

2005-08-30T15:14:00.000+08:00

Attention

Want Close

Pay The Miss

Could to

Something you

Everyone dies alone

The very beginning of the best band the world has ever seen

2005-08-20T00:33:00.000+08:00

Too Mainstream For Joel

Style: vigourous jazzy soul with funk

Website: No Details
Email: how_ya_head@hotmail.com
Members: Tyler Sujdovic, Nathan Luies and who ever else turns up at band pratice

Biography: Too Mainstream For Joel are a fresh faced young band born in the depths of a certain mainstream hating young man's living room. The bands two key members have lived extraordinary lives devoted to the listening and production of music and finally they have combined togethor their raw, yet amazing talents.The band exploded out of the hate created by Joel Quartermaine's aggression towards main stream music and society.Tyler and Nathan being friendly, passionate young men enjoy sharing the music world with whoever happens to be at band practice, therefore spreading the love and funk around consistently.
Sujdovic and Luies when creating the band did not want to be tied down with certain instruments, so the two with the help of ring ins play a variety of the great instruments of the world to find that original sound.While the use of guitars, bass and drums is obvious, it is common to see the use of harmonicas, maracas, tambourines, walk on keyboards, giant triangles and recorders.
Lyrically Too Mainstream For Joel are very crisp delivering fresh rhymes and rhythyms with plenty of variety.
The debut single 'You got something to say' combines the blissful drumming of Sujdovic with the masterful guitar work of Luies mixed togethor to create some soothing soul and rubbed down with some funk. The single is set to be released very soon.

Influences : Supertramp, Mark Knopfler, Morris Day and the Time, 50 cent and local jazz clubs

Tyler Sujdovic is a musical new age encyclopedia with strong roots in dance, hip hop and electronica. In his spare time he is an accomplished DJ with the ability to produce a phatly mixed beat. He also enjoys mexican women, stencilling and shooting some hoops.

Nathan Luies is an expert on the 80's era of music which dominate his collection. In his spare time he enjoys making home movies, wearing football shorts, eating kebabs and hotting up his C-Rolla.

Too Mainstream For Joel are interested in being a band for the people.

I pop nines.

2005-08-18T11:25:00.000+08:00

I'm a ghetto gangsta packing heat
I'll show you the rhymes bitch and y'gonna want my meat
like Word up spin round and touch y'feet
i'm gonna lay my brown package down on ur teet
whadda mean? fuck off its simpal
I pop nines
No need to play round
I pop nines
I'm the fuckin hottest. you down.

I wanna fuck you to death
whadda mean? fuck off its simpal pop nines motherfucker
And from the womb to the tomb
Spray some perfume on your cocoon
Lay on the table nude, as I rub lube into your boob
Get used to being prude, till I whip out the ice cubes
Like your smoking ice dubes, when I'm patting your muff
You will never say your not getting enough

No need to play round
I pop nines
I'm the fuckin hottest. you down

Show me your pussy i'm gonna get loose the juice
fucking petrol spurting out the spruce caboose
premature ejaculator? shut the fuck up before you loose a tooth
and I am so BIG. so big customers gonna say "damm you loose"
you wanna see a trick then common kick the stink i really wanna break ya face by slapping you into place with my gun, hun on ur knees n fun'll be done
Its hard but not so go ahead pop my nine get that face ready cause its COHF boi time

Ah.AH. EHHhhhhhhhhhhhh......yeh you like that........ yeh I pop nines......yeh bang bang baby......oh whats that u doin?.....yehhhh just like that......oh OH you a realll pro.

I am an angry man at simple plan

2005-08-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

Why? All they ever contribute are whiny ballads made for people who dress in black clothes with eyeliner while holding a skateboard cause it looks cool . . Secondly they're using punk fashion you know above mentioned black(cause its tough AND emotional/sad) "My daddy doesnt love me enough" flavoured clothing to sell albums. It was a sad day when fashion alone made multiplatinum records and everytime some idiot gets up and does that he/she urinates on the grave of those who worked their arses off for music,for performance, for fucking brilliant art. You hear that..every one of you that buys a Simple Plan album is supporting public urination and defamation of famous corpses.

"Still not getting any" dont fucking lie to me you music industry whores. Your beloved the world over by young nubile "oh so lost oh so lonely" teenage highschool girls who sing your anthems about being just a kid ,your in R Kelly's version of heaven. Lead singer is 26 so im guessing in the song "I'm just a kid" he's making reference to the fact that he was born a mongoloid. Simple plan's first album sold millions of records.They are riach,......biatch

What is their next album gonna be titled then "Oh nooo my eggs benidict is a little runny and i dont have enough money to pay for the fifth floor of my house and I've only had sex with one teenage groupie today and im starting to cry which ruins my eyeliner and my dad still doesnt love me.Why does everthing bad only happen to me!?Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Bottom line-Simple Plan and all Simple Plan related products suck harder than Linda Lovelace of Deep Throat fame.

The Donahue awards 2003

2005-08-09T19:11:00.000+08:00

Written in 2003.

Shat it award-Matt Gibb
Best Monobrow- Jeff dougliesh
Fattest arse-Amy Vinden
Best bloke female- Chickahue
Best bloke male- Menahue
Most annoying- Ranger Fullet
Most anonymous-
Most likely to end up in prison- Troy Travis (having sex with a minor) or Corey Saxild (Being dodgy)
Biggest Don- Craig Donahue
Biggest Fullet-Ranger Fullet or Tegan Omel
Biggest Mullet-Finch
Most DMed- Jordan Mccardle (Nobody likes Nobody likes Nobody like Mccardle)
Dickhead of the year- Josh (Bruce)
Most likely to get with Katy Nooteboom- Alex Phillips or any girl drunk enough
Stoner of the year- Nick moore aka Doobich
Person who has most likely had sex with Sarah Chappell-Jeff Dougliesh
Tough guy of the year- Kieran Mott
Most Sexual- Kyle Oakley
Biggest hero-Josh aka sure you did Bruce
Most likely to recieve anal at leavers-Jess Luidin or Shane Collard
Most likely to give anal at leavers- Trent Farrugia (Sheer coincidence that Trent and Jess hooked up?)
Most likely to get tied to a pole at leavers-Justin Cordingly
Person most likely to knock someone out with their chest- Deannnnnnn or Alana Williams
Will give dirt award- Lindsay Passmore
Angry man of the year- Matt Reeeeccccce
Worst choice in ladies-Matt Gibb
Worst Choice in men- Carly Bowen
The Dada award- Kyle Putland
Highest voice- Nathan Beard or Lick Neavy
Guch award-Lindsay Passmore
MD of the year-Adam Haynes

Pictures I decided not to show

2005-08-05T10:56:00.000+08:00

Men in uniform(part 4) aka Why Michael Jackson is a big fan of AC/DC

2005-08-04T23:35:00.000+08:00

The short answer=Angus Young in a sexy schoolboy outfit.

The long answer. wellll...
When did pedophilia suddenlly become fashionable? I'll tell you when, when Angus young decides to strut his stuff on stage in a tight revealing school boy outfit.
Much like Britney spears with her debut video clip "Hit me baby one more time", a song clearly about BDSM, Angus Young used school uniform to utilize his sexual powers and unleash them on the world in order to sell music. Like with britney spears in 1999 in the seventies it was impossible to deny that Young was sexy.
Some people however took Angus' last name a little too literally. Priest's , although they declared that they weren't big AC/DC fans, could not get over how sexy the miniture lead guitarist was and seeing as how he was so 'cool' took his last name as an invitation by society to touch young school boys.
This is why all child molestation by priest's only occur after 1975.
Michael Jackson decided to leave good music and dedicate his life instead to getting young schoolboys to stay over when he saw AC/DC live, demonstrating the sexual power of uniforms. Santa Claus was furtheror shamed by several incidents of indecent exposure to camping schoolboys. (The children were confused as to why Santa would show up in July and keep saying things like "I'v got a present for you...in my pants" and "Here rub this piece of firewood" and "Anyone want a candycane". Hence Christmas in July .)

But it is not all bad. There was that schoolboy who slept with his female teacher and the documentry "Bad Santa" seems to depict a happier life for Santa. Blitzen that Gilmore girl looks like fun and he resisted the urge to touch that young boy. Michael Jackson apparently doesn't touch boys, I always thought he made himself look like a woman in order to confuse young boys into sleeping with him.
That is the end of the men/boys in uniform series. And what have we learnt? IF your going to wear uniform, use your sexual powers for good and use them responsibly. These four sides to the uniform story illustrate how Mojo can go wrong. While Popeye used his powers for good, popeye followers(read:sailors) have taken popeye for granted and been reduced to homosexuals(nothing against them but with sailors it's a waste of the potential given to them) and STI's. Ambridge Hitler was just pure evil. Santa Claus lost his way and the power of the uniform was lost to him. Angus Young used his sexual powers without any thought of the consequences.

Men in Uniform Men in Uniform Men in Uniform(Fire fighters, Footy players, Ballerinas, soldiers, wrestlers(although not wearing much), Craig Donahue, Village people,soldiers, prisoners, soap?, the Hives, Dodgeball players, Suits, Anchormen, Civil Historians, punks, no wait sorry they're 'indivduals'(pfft dickheads they're all wearing the same thing how is that individual? ), bums, Lollypop ladies, Fast food workers, fat people(they wear mu mus), Yobbos (Flannelette, wifebeater,mullet and stubby seems to be the standard), Rich Sex men, Pimps, Russian Generals and Eskimos. I am now officially sick of writing about men in uniform. Remember what you read here cause I probably wont.

Men in uniform(part 3) aka The original P.I.M.P.

2005-08-04T00:15:00.000+08:00

Think about it. Its pretty obvious. The extravgent fur coat, the "workers", the constant usage of the word "ho". Santa claus was the original pimp and the most international pimp ever. In France he is 'le père noël' roughly translated into Father Pimp aka Crazy Eyes Claus Valentine, in the Netherlands de Kerstman aka Mack Master St Nick , in Germany he is simply Pimptastic Santa Beautiful.

He revolusionised the world of pimpage and invented door to door pimping. The original list of who's naughty and nice were of customers and prostitutes that owed Santa money. In a world without cars Santa's sleigh was the original pimpmobile. Have you ever seen a sleigh more colourful.
The bright red coating with gold trim thats pure pimp.
The Christmas music pumping, the colourful lights at the front (Rudolph)
That is.
Pure pimp.
When he loads bitches up his sleigh and pops up in your hood you give him respect, Fool.

But how do you explain the fatness you ask? Dont you need fitness as well as a good reach to pimp slap? Well the answers elementry playa.
Dr James Watson ,Codiscoverer of DNA, had this to say, "Extra fat helps boost endorphins, a hormone linked to sexual desire." You see Santa also liked to get a little on the side. Sow his Artic oats. He powerbutzed many a Santas' helper.
Santa hit stinktown however round 1898 when he came across a young moustached baby named "Ambridge". Santa spilled his guts to the kid and they soon became friends.

Ambo Hitler: Your beard's not real.
Santa:Yo It was real brother, but I got sick and all my hair fell out.Shits wack.
Ambo Hitler: How come?
Santa: I banged a bitch who had too much chili in her taco.
Ambo Hitler: Mrs. Claus?
Santa: Actually it was her hot arse sister. Things are messed up bad at the North Pole. Mrs. Claus caught me fucking some ho, now I'm out on my ass. She stole my buisness, no one wants nothing from 'Grandmaster Santa and the furious 12' no more n I gotta get paid somehow. mann.
Ambo: You can stay with my family if you want.

And so began the downfall of Santa. Ambridge Hitler seduced him and used his knowledge of the power of Uniforms and facial hair to create a trail of destruction and sexual fustration across the world.
And Santa, the Santa uniform is being used by pedophiles to get children to sit on their lap. The memory of Santa Claus is someone who offers children presents... in exchange for what? Is this any different from the strange guy with candy in his trenchcoat that hangs around children's parks. Its sad that a man of such great accomplishment is reduced to this.

Kind of reminds you of Michael Jackson...

Men in uniform(part 2) aka THE SEXY GENERAL

2005-07-31T12:38:00.000+08:00

The long history of the uniform is too vast to be explained here but gather round my sexlings and I shall pass down the
Legend of.. the sexy general.
A long time ago in a land far far away people lived free from sexual abstinence, virgins and std's. There was balance to the land and the power of uniforms were used for the forces of good. There came a day however, when one man decided to do the unthinkable and turn to the dark side of the uniform.
Using his sexual powers for evil instead of good, Ambridge Hitler became a Dark Sex god of the uniform. Originally a poor sexless boy from the Austrian countryside, his moustache and his flamboyant manner of speaking brought him no attention from the ladies and a lot of attention from the boys.

He was nothing before his unifrom.

Angered by the semite's prowess of hot, buttered sex. He vowed to oneday reap vengence on the sexy jews. He destryed the balance by killing hot promiscious jews and creating an army of evil rapists bringing down std's and sexual abstinance across the land. But there was hope. It was foretold that one day a mysterious Sexy general would one day bring balance to the force.
This sexy general was blessed with the highest Uniforchlorian count ever known. His steel face of fury drove the ladies wild as he wielded his mighty kebabsaber across the land, slipping mickeys and using the powers of the uniform to bang lusty wenches along the way. When he reached Hitler he dispatched of him with a unbeatable boxing combo and with a mighty cry he launched a mighty haymacker destroying Hitlers moustached homoerotic face and depantsing him. Balance was restored and there was peace in the valley but not without its consequences. The Sexy general, his powers waning, was brought down by Melanomius and had to have a Louiserectomy. He wanders the land today recalling his heroic deed with fondness.

What was the name of this mysterious sexy general you ask? Well in the sprirt of that 'great' tv show "Lost", his name was ...

Men In Uniform(part 1) aka How sexy is popeye?

2005-07-30T09:40:00.000+08:00

A man, A simple man. In uniform he is transformed into a sex god amongst men. What more can I say?... This.
Today we look at part 1 of a four part series in which we descend into the mysterious world of sexy men in uniform. Heres what Batman had to say about the Uniformed sexman. "As a man i can be ignored, i can be rejected but as a symbol, in a uniform i can be a sex god. I can be everlasting" Obviously Batman knows the power of the uniform to overcome premature ejaculation.
The first uniformsexman we look at is a certain sailor who loves his lady enough to get into fights. Popeye just wants his green,his pipe, his fights and his bitch. Its a manly uniformed sex man like him that makes all those other sailors desirable to the ladies. People like captain stabbin and Gilligan, they're just riding off Popeyes mojo. When woman line up along the docks waiting for those sexy sailors they arn't waiting to have sex with men. They're waiting to have sex with the idea of having sex with a man in uniform. They're so caught up with their popeye the sailorman fantasies they forget the fact that sexual diseases are a certainty, that most sailors are now gay and that popeye was a cartoon character.
However popeye does have biceps, and for some women , its all about the biceps. Looking at these pictures its easy to see why girls like sex with a sailor.

Who arsed you?

2005-07-27T05:00:00.000+08:00

Why is the arse a temple of sex heaven? Maybe because the arse has remarkably similar curvature to the breast and both these tantalizing body parts have an enormous sexual implication running deep through their fleshy cuteness. But today we concentrate on the ass. The derriere. The back end. The gluteus maximus. The fanny. The dark side of the vagina. Shit storage. Captain stabbin’s warm esky. Jukebox of Nitty. Peanut butter factory. poop chute. The cheeky stranger. My brown eyed girl.The other fun hole. What’s a proctologist? The bum. The gay mans only means of having penetrative sex. Aladdin’s mancave.

Assmen are their own breed of man. Attracted to not just the heart shapped box that is the arse but the pink/brown flowery shape that is the sphincter. A famous assman poet had this to say.
“Dark, puckered hole: a purple carnation
That trembles, nestled among the moss
(still wet with love)
covering the gentle curvation
Of the white ass, just to the royal eyelet.
Threads resembling milky tears there are spun;
Spray forced back by the south wind's cruel threat
Across the small balls of brown shit has run,
To drip from the crack, which craves for it yet”

Get the rest of the poem and a picture of a mans arse at this site http://www.delftboys.com/pre/fun/art/assholeUK.html.

The assman is a distinguished gentlemen who often picks his dates from the back, He is your proctologist, your pornstar, your dirty poet, that guy that walks behind people in shopping centers and takes sly butt pictures with his camera phone. He knows butt from arse from booty. The two and a half handers form the dainty little one handers. The rich arseman sleeps on a pillow of bootyarse. A true connoisseur of derrieres, he likes mixing his chocalate with whipped cream.
He also likes giving anal sex. And well why wouldn’t you? The dirt track is a few degrees hotter than the main road. Its noticeably tighter too, which is especially good news if your having trouble with the roominess of the open road.
The are a few rules though if you decide to venture out into wilderness and battle up the muddy creek. First off, You going to need a helmut. Too many overexcited assmen have plugged their heads into the anal adventure to come up second best to vicious animals. Ayidees are silent slow deadly killers that have claimed too many good lives. And be sure to coat yourself in grease. Hot butter baby! The waters of muddy creek are usually solid as shit and friction will ruin your chances of fun, frantic times in the Fartfanny. And never in any circumstances get mud on the main road. It’s dangerous and ruins it for the next person.
The rabbits hole is accompanied by millions of nerve endings which eventually make such loving expeditions enjoyable for the lady. For the men it’s a lot more enjoyable, due to the prostate, as can be seen in road trip. When being pounded in the arse a lady should remember a few things. She should be in control, she should test the murky waters first with a few oily fingers and hey, ladies, Just relllaaaxxx.

SMURF THIS

2005-07-21T16:00:00.000+08:00

Got my hands on the new smurf movie script. Pure blue gold. Check this out.
Scene 1.
Smurf 1: Hey, ya have a good time last night?
Smurf 2: Smurf-tactular!
Smurf 1: Yeah I saw you leave with Smurfette.
Smurf 2: OH man - as soon as we got out of the bar, she started smurfin' me.
Smurf 1: Shut the smurf up!
Smurf 2: Yeah.
Smurf 1: Right in the smurfin' parking lot?
Smurf 2: Smurf yeah!
Smurf 1: Oh that is freakin' smurf!
Smurf 2: You smurf it!
Smurf 1: That is freakin' smurf.
*awkard silence*
Smurf 2:Yeah.

A blast from the past (part 2 extended version)

2005-07-19T23:18:00.000+08:00

Scene 2 The Plot thickens.
Trent was not content the next day however when he found his legs a little colder then usual. He told me all day that he would get me back and. He succeeded. I made the mistake of falling asleep in a room full of people. When I woke up I had ravioli in both ears, profanities written on my face and was missing one eyebrow. I was not happy. I came from the toilet back to the room full of people knocked on the door politely asking to have a quiet word with Trent.
They denied my request so I broke the door.
Trent ran off...
and I can't remember what happen next but somehow I ended flooring Trent later on in the night.

Scene3 My Climax.
But that was not enough. I wanted to take it up a notch and get Trent back Baadd. I was unsure of what to do when Tegan, Brandon and Munz gave me inspiration.

Munz-Why don’t you cum into his beer?
Finch- But I wouldn’t be able to get it up and out in time?
Brendon- You can take my porno
Tegan-Nah why don’t you cum into a cup first and then just pour that into the beer.

Suddenly I had an idea I took the porno into the men’s toilets and started to read the erotic playboy articles about some girl needing a pizza real bad. My one-eyed dugite was ready to play when Toby who was having a shower tried to strike up a conversation with me. The monkey went back in the cage quite rapidly and I was only able to give Toby strained one-syllable responses to his questions.

Toby- Hey finch is that you?
Finch-Gnnhh..uh....yeh.
*rustle of magazine pages*
Toby- how you goin?
FInch-Uhh....good
Finch- could you give me just a minute.

When Toby left I spanked that monkey for all it was worth. In my excitement however the first jet landed on the porno. I milked the rest of my man juice into the cup but as any man knows most of it is in the first spray. There was a good 1/6th a cup full but I was disappointed. I would have liked more. I took that cup and hid it up my sleeves and was walking back to Brendon’s dorm to ask them what to do next. I entered the room and showed them my product. They were understandably disgusted and told me to put it away somewhere far from there. So I placed the great white cup back in my dorm.
Brendon asked me if I got all of it into the cup...
.. I hesitated, and then confessed that I came on his porno magazine.

He told me I could keep it.

Trent was starting to get suspicious however as we were all whispering and laughing at him.

Trent- “ Finch whatever you do make sure you don’t mess up my clothes cause I’ll be so angry” Finch-Heh heh heh heh
Trent-Just do it to me now.

I waited till he went into the toilet and then ran like the wind to fetch my cream and creep silently into the toilets. He had left his beer next to the sink and, without hesitation; I poured my love sauce into his beer.
All of it.
The neck was empty when I came and full when I left.
I gave the beer a little whirl and Stealthily crept out of the toilets.

Not stealthily enough however as Trent suspected something. He came out of the toilets and asked me what I did to his beer and if that was my revenge; faced with the failure of the whole operation I used a drastic distraction technique.
I stripped to my birthday suit and told him to lie down. Trent being the stupid non-graduate that he is obliged to my insane, scary request. So I tried to teabag him(slap my balls in his face) but stopped when Trent got a fistful of balls. I put my clothes back on and told him that that was all I had planned. Trent, again displaying a lack of education, believed every word I said.

I got back to Brendon’s dorm and told everyone and we all watched Trent in disgust as he took that first swig. Trent could not hear our disgusted guffaws however as he was guzzling that pale ale just outside the dorm and was trying to get with some loser. He didn’t drink all of it however; he fed the last remnants of Finch’s love potion to that loser with big tits. I tried to tell him afterwards but he would not believe what just happened. Trent figured it out the next morning however as each time there was a silence Sean would say “Trent Swallows”. In fact Trent was three times smarter than usual that day which leads to the question.

Does Cum make you smarter?

A blast from the past (pt 1)

2005-07-19T18:25:00.000+08:00

Scene 1 the battle begins,leavers 2003.It was a cool summers night, perfect for getting naked and talking about the weather. I was in the mood to party down when I noticed something, something different. Trent had passed out at 9pm and for some reason I had a shaver in my hand. I looked at the shaver and then I looked at Trent's legs and then…well… I put two and two together. I started shaving but then got frustrated. There was just too much hair for one man. So I did what any sane man would do. I cracked open an economy pack of twenty shavers, passed them round and told everyone to get busy. Trent woke up in the middle of this shaving fiesta and told us all “ I think some chick was just playing with my legs”. We each said, “yes Trent she wants you” and then, contented that he was loved, Trent went back to sleep.
I got this picture off a very disturbing site. Check out http://www.geocities.com/legshave/legs.htm

FIVE REASONS WHY XTC MAKES LIFE MORE INTERESTING

2005-07-19T00:58:00.000+08:00

1.methylenedioxymethamphetamine increases your vocabularitical appearence by being a big intelligent-sounding word. Chicks dig intelligence. Chicks also dig deep feelings but that shits gay and its rad how ectasy destroys your ability to experience feelings.
2. Exctasy is commonly used at "rave" party settings. Everyone knows and respects how cool raves are. Whistles and glowsticks are incredibly fun,hip and practical. Even more so when your on eeeeeeeee.WHEEEE!
3. E's only take a few seconds to down leaving more time for you to dance like no ones there. Not even yourself. It also leaves you more time to pretend strangers are your friends while ditching your actual friends and basically more time to act like a total fuckhead with dilated pupils and a sweat gland issue.
4. It makes you seem rich by being expensive. Cough medicine is a reasonable alternative if your having a slow week but you want to get back to eeeeeeeee. Dont want to seem like you havent got money to waste.
5. Exctasy can be sporadically fatal. Impress all your friends, not too mention chicks, by showing you live on the wild side. COOOOOOOLLLLL MANNNNNNN!

He bangs He bangs

2005-07-18T15:14:00.000+08:00

NO its not homosexual latin-american imagery. Lester Bangs is my new rock god. Bow down before his work and preserve pieces of his foreskin so that his seed shall live on. He was a rock . Addicted to cough medicine he told musicians he interviewed to fuck off and he got weally offended by bad records"why dont you start shooting speed up again? Then you could come up with something weally good." (Derogatis, 2000)
A smelly, beer bellied, extemely honest non-conformist who loved rock more than he loved himself and died at the age of 33 due to drugs. "Great art is about guilt and longing. Love disguised as sex. Sex disguised as love. And lets face it you've got a great head start." The Lester Bangs character makes an appearence in "Almost Famous" and fuck he. is. good. I could write all the words in the world to describe his sexiness but you can see what Lester was in "Almost Famous" and quite simply. if you dont like Lester Bangs . Fuck off.

"Rock 'n' roll is like an attitude, it's not a musical form of a strict sort. It's a way of doing things, of approaching things. Like anything can be rock 'n' roll. And Music, true music, not just rock ’n’ roll, it chooses you." (Almost Famous, 2000

Derogit

why must a night out promise so much and deliver so little

2005-07-18T07:00:00.000+08:00

The bad taste of Flip can be tasted by many.
Yesterday was a day for promise. After a slothy friday night of my mates not laughing at Shaun of the dead and a late well deserved mickeyslip delivered to the host I awoke on saturday hopin for somethin better. After a few hours back at the house of clarke I recieved a phone call from THE PUNISHER who revealed that drinks were on at the bullcreek leeming footy club carpark. Needless to say I arrived on the scene with a bundi in hand ready to party down with my pants off. 3 hours of burnouts and trying to hide trees car in the bushes later and i found myself at brookes 18th with high hopes and a sexy aroma filling my pantaloons. My spirits were dampened however as beers were six dollars!! Cue Home Alone shocked face. The turning point of the night however came when flip placed a trip to the waterford on the table. I was reluctant but flip hit me with the sob story of how no one was supporting him in some karaoke competition. I thought alright if no one else is goin whats the worst that could happen. well the worst happened. He already had 20 flip supporters down there bit pissed off that he lied. again. and he lost the comp. badly. Three hours of bad company and bad decisions later i was at harbourside hopin for fun.. or at least sexy results. and despite a brief cameo from stuart "the body" hestelow, a very charming C. Boyes and an extremely fantastic S.Miller the night just didnt deliver enough to get that bad taste of Flip out of my mouth.

ps how tight is kelly hannefees arse?

what are you doing here?

1990-01-01T17:00:00.000+08:00

'If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this is useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned.......Finch'

Exerpt from Fincher, D(Director).(1999).Fight Club(Video). (Rengency enterprises and film, California).